It's only a shadow, Peter Pan.

The stages of accepting the reality of having a chronic condition are quite childish in nature; like children, we hold dearly a time in our life that we never wish to leave behind. In the beloved literary fantasy Peter Pan, a shadow was much more than a dark spot on the ground; it had color, animation, texture, and shape. However, it is comparatively light and insubstantial to the human's shape it resembled, and ultimately it was just a semblance of the true being. Likewise, with the passage time, the chronically ill become a semblance of their former, "healthy" self. In Peter Pan, J.M. Barrie intimates that no ever fully grows up, rather, it is a process that continues through life. Similarly, no one ever fully welcomes a life ridden with disease; it is a condition we adapt to over time.

I have always been told never to compare myself to anyone else, which I don't, that wouldn't be fair. However, I am told to compare myself to who I was yesterday. Well, this used to be a great measurement of improvement, until the "me" of yesterday was continually stronger, better, faster, healthier, and more energetic than the "me" of today. It has been a rather discouraging reality, coming to terms with never being who I "once was." This was until I purchased a book at the Barnes and Noble in Oceanside, CA this summer [ Inside Chronic Pain ]. The author shares the same struggle of self-comparison. She had looked at it the same way I have; always striving to "get back" to being the "same" person we were pre-accident or pre-disease. Ms. Heshusius opened my eyes to a very transcendent notion: Instead of trying to be the same person I was before I was ill, why not be the best person I can be while sick. I have been waiting to "get better," "find a cure," or "get past this" until I realized this is not going away. *LIGHT BULB* The minute I comprehended that fact, I was relinquished the duty of trying to be the "sick-free" Morgan. Instead, now I can improve upon myself to be the best I can in spite of my condition. I am no longer the shadow of who I once was, but rather casting a new shadow from my ameliorated self.