Numb.

numb   |nəm|

adjective 
deprived of the power of sensation 

To be deprived, one has to lack a basic material or be denied the possession or use of something; and to deny a physical feeling or perception resulting from something that happens to or comes in contact with the body, is to deny oneself the full capacity and experience of life. Now, there are many ways and many reasons to feel numbness, yet it is ultimately to deaden an unpleasant experience. I have been taught to deaden disease, to separate myself from pain, nausea, and a general ill feeling. It really isn't that hard all the time, I've actually gotten quite good at it, but at what price? This medically encouraged dissociation of mind and body is a dangerous occupation. At what point do we stop living inside our bodies long enough to stop caring about what happens to them? Let's approach this from a couple angles. 

1. A less then favorable circumstance (#understatement) would perhaps be a man or woman who, in his or her young life, has been a  victim of sexual abuse. It's hard to tell what is worse for this person, the terror he or she feels when it first happens, or the numbness felt after it starts to become ordinary? I have never been a casualty of such a repulsive act, but there are thousands that have. How many times can someone "go to a happy place," leaving their body behind, before their body loses value? 

2. Food poisoning. How many of you can relate to this one? Nausea, vomiting, chills, cramping, fever, diarrhea, cold sweats. Hours have never passed more slowly and when the first round of vomiting doesn't alleviate the grisly churn in your stomach, you know you're in for it. How did you even make it through one or even two days of hell? Part of me is sure that you tried to take your mind elsewhere, to distract yourself, to leave your body, if only you could in that moment. 

Okay okay, I'll stop with the gross scenarios, this isn't meant to be an explicit post about the unpleasantries in life; but do imagine how you cope with mental, emotional, or physical pain and sickness. If you are one of many who falls into the mind/body detachment category, we may want to rethink our modus operandi. After all, we do purport to care about our bodies, which is usually the reason for "leaving" them, we don't want them to feel certain ways. However, "continuing to pretend you have no body or no responsibility for your body is an illusion that keeps you from being a unified being, a person finally capable of keeping yourself safe from harm" (Gould, 120, Shrink Yourself). We must stop hiding behind narcotics, layers of fat, poor attitudes, alcohol, and other mood/behavior altering drugs, and get the help we truly need to cure the cause, rather than put a bandaid over the problem. 

Bandaids work, but before we know it, we're 80 years old and still have open wounds, with a life less than lived. I pray that we are all able to take the step and find the cure, it will be uncomfortable, but it is possible. If you don't know where to start, talk to me, I'll do my best to help. 

All my love, 

Morgan